Settling into Hospice and then it's over

21 Nov 24 

Mom is out of the hospital, back at Eventide and Hospice care is in full swing.  I have gotten phone calls and had in person conversations with a few Nurses and Care Team people with Ethos Hospice.  They are all very kind and caring and really want to know how they can serve us best.  They are interested in Mom, where she came from, what she liked to do and who she is.  It feels like a waiting game, that we are just waiting for her to die, but yet at the same time, not wanting her to die.  Tonight, I am taking Dad to a grief support group at my church.  I plan to go with him tonight but would like him to go alone after this.  He needs to feel free to say things that he may not want to say around me. Ethos has also indicated they will provide services to Dad to help with his grief and anxiety. 

Jan 9th 25

I wanted to Blog a lot more, but things went downhill fast, and mom entered Heaven's Gate on December 18th.  The staff at Eventide, and the staff with Ethos Hospice were amazing and along with everyone else in our lives, we journeyed through this together. Her service was beautiful with all of her family there. The family was together for a few days, sorting memories and making new ones.  Our prayers were answered in that she didn't ever have pain and Lisa and Ross made it here before she died. 

Dad is working through his grief, that will be an up and downhill battle as he learns to live life with his new normal.  Hospice is providing grief support and he has much support through his church and the Griefshare group he started at my church and is continuing at another church. He still works at Menards several mornings a week and volunteers at the Dakota Boys Ranch Thrift Store in West Fargo. 

How do you tell your Mom, it's time to die?

 I'm not sure that I will publish this, or any of the following Blogs about Mom's journey.  It seems unfair to put it out there, what she is going through, but I need to blog for my own Sake.

Friday Nov 15th, 2024, we met with a PA from the Palliative Care team at Sanford. My Mom has had several medical issues that have been building for years.  She has an enlarged Spleen that consumes her platelets, so her platelets sit at about 40. (should be at least 150) This leads to a risk of bleeding. Her kidneys have not functioned well for years, right now they are working at about 35%. She has stage 4 liver disease. She has severe fluid buildup in her legs and abdomen and some in her lungs. This all came to a head between Oct 3rd and Oct 18th where a blood clot developed and blocked the portal vein that feeds blood to the liver. Without the blood flow to her liver, her kidneys won't work well. The solution for one is the problem for another.  Due to her low platelets, surgery is not an option. As a family, we all agreed to try blood thinners to help dissolve the clot. After a few days, she had a GI bleed, in the lower GI tract.  Blood thinners were stopped. There is nothing more we can do. 

The Palliative Care PA was very kind and caring, compassionate and helped guide the conversation to mom and us about Hospice and that it is the best option.  After all the discussion, Dad asked Ross, Ross stated that yes, he was leaning to the hospice route, Lisa, after a moment of hesitation also said yes.  Dad asked me, and I said that I believed Hospice was the best thing to do and my main reason is that Hospice will work very hard to make sure mom is Comfortable.  Her being pain free and comfortable is my biggest concern. It was hard to hear mom say, "There comes a time in life that you have to make some choices", Then she said "Well, I guess if everyone thinks we should do this, then we need to do that" I told her I didn't want her to think I was forcing it on her, that she needed to be comfortable.  She said she was.  I was very glad all 5 of us were in the decision-making process. Lisa and Ross by phone and mom dad and me in the hospital room. 

She was going to stay overnight one night to put in a port so the Hospice or Nursing Home nurses can drain her ascites to make her more comfortable.  This was Friday, they were going to try work it in that day. Then they said they were too busy, so they said Saturday. Then they decided that due to her low platelets, they had to wait until Monday.  They need her platelets to be 50, as of Sunday night they were 38.  She is getting a unit of platelets Sunday night and one more Monday morning, and probably FFP before the procedure. 

Me and Dad, and Lisa and Ross, we need this to settle.  For her to get back to Eventide and just settle into Hospice Life.  Tuesday is their Anniversary, 58 years.