So I kind of died yesterday, but not really

Yesterday, Friday,  I had the day off, planned to do some really fun things, including a haircut and shampooing the carpets.  Living on the edge, I know. 
Back track to Thursday night, I was having some high blood pressure issues along with a very rapid heart rate.  When I first checked, it was 138 over 106 with a heart rate of 160ish.  Yes, I know that diastolic number is high enough that I should have gone to the ER.  Assuming this was just caused by work stress, that my home machine isn't entirely accurate, and being a tad stubborn that work stress could cause this, I didn't go in.  This has happened several times over the past 8 months or so.  Ignoring the advice of everyone I know, I would stay home and sleep it off.  Go forward again to Friday morning.  I wake up with the same rapid heart rate and the feeling of intense pressure in my head and neck, not pain, just pressure.  It's never lasted this long before.  My home machine would just error out for BP but gave my heart rate at 159, so, at the advise of my Dawns, (you know who you are) I stopped at the clinic on my way to the haircut to have a BP check.  Great news, BP is fine, bad news, they were not happy that my heart rate was still around 160, somewhat jumpy and wouldn't go down, even after they had me try some really strange things.  First she told me to breathe really deep and cough the biggest cough ever, over and over, then blow as hard as I could through a straw.  I guess, doing those things can kick your heart rate back to normal.  Consulting with a whole bunch of people, they decided they wanted me to go to the ER.  This was going on about 14 hours with a heart rate that is way too high and she said my body can't operate like that safely. 
Then she told me what they were going to do.  To break the cycle of this high heart rate, they were going to give me a drug, Adensonine,  or something like that, this would stop my heart beat.  Then, if it goes as expected, the heart starts up at a normal rate.  Seriously they were going to stop my heart, the one thing that keeps me alive.  Do you have any idea of how terrifying that is?  Someone I don't know or trust, was going to stop my heart.  I guess, it's fairly routine, but not for me.  I called John to meet me at the ER, he works in the same building, and yes, they let me drive myself, and yes the ER people said I shouldn't have driven myself. 
After my second EKG of the day, the ER doctor, thought the problem was Afib, ( the two EKGs, while both irregular, seemed to have slightly different results) and then he decided that yes they would give me the heart stopping drug.  Two reasons, one hopefully my heart would start up at the normal rate, and second, he said that while my heart is stopped he would be able to tell if it was Afib or not.  Doc told me he had to wait a few minutes to do this because he wanted the "cardiac" cart in the room.  Ok, I knew well enough what he meant, yes, I want the "crash" cart next to my bedside when you stop my heart.  No need to pretend it's a 'cardiac' cart.  Agreeing to do this was not an easy thing to do.
The actual experience was very odd.  He told me that once they pushed the drug, they would push saline to get it to my heart faster and it would take about 5 seconds.  When it hit, all I could feel was this intense feeling of suffocating, it felt like someone had their hands around my throat and they were choking me.  It went away super fast, maybe 5 to 7 seconds, my heart started again, no need for that "cardiac" cart.   My heart rate started back at a normal rate, around 100, still a tad high for resting,  in my opinion, but back in the normal range.  Whatever he was looking for to determine if this was Afib didn't show up, so it's not that, at least he didn't think so. 
They did a lot of lab work, all of that was normal and good, actually, my labs were much better than they have been in the past, so that's a good thing. He didn't have much of an explanation as to why this happened, he didn't think work stress had much to do with it, although that could have been a trigger.  (working in an airport during a world wide pandemic, no stress there) But he also said when people have a rapid heart rate due to stress, anxiety or a panic attack, it would not last 16 hours.  So I get to see a cardiac electrophysiologist or something like that at some point.  I also get to add a new drug to the list of meds I take daily, which is already showing signs of causing stomach issues like so many other meds do for me.
Anyway, that's my story.  While this issue may be routine for people who work in the ER, nothing is routine when your the patient.  When someone tells you he is going to stop your heart, even for a very brief moment, it's not routine.  Its hard for me to put my safety in the hands of someone else, and since I didn't even know him, it was harder than ever.  I miss my Grand Forks Doctor.
Thanks to Laura for nagging me to go in, for my Dawns who pushed me to go in and for Andrew who reassured me I wasn't going to die and he has heard of this before, that it wasn't some quack medicine thing.  Thank you to John my wonderful amazing husband who stayed with me through my moment of "death".  You are my rock, my anchor and I don't think I could have let them do that if you weren't there with me. Definitely a test of Faith.

It's been way too long

I haven't written anything here for over a year, wow, doesn't seem like it has been that long.
I had a random thought the other night, and I would like to know how you would answer my thought.  If you had two sentences to describe to someone who has been blind their entire life, what it means to see, how would you do it?  Or likewise, someone who has never heard a sound before, what sound is?  I can't answer my own thought.

Saying Hi to an old {young} friend

Saw a friend at Target today.  Might not seem like a big deal, but when you live in a community for over 20 years, you get used to seeing people you know every where you go.  When you go to Target or Texas Roadhouse, you ALWAYS see a friend.  Now I have moved back home, and I'm not lonely,  my best life long friend is here, my family is here, and I have new and old friends, the town just seems somehow empty sometimes.  When I go to Target or Texas Roadhouse, I just see people.  Lots of people, but I don't know ANY of these people. 
So today, when I ran in to David Snyder, it made the whole town seem a bit more like home.  David is one of Joshua's friends, his parents are our friends and his Uncle Mike was my youth pastor in High School.  I got a hug hello and a hug goodbye and ten minutes of chatting with a friend. And I met his girlfriend, a sweet girl.  I was already having a great day, but this made my day even better!  It's also great to see kids you loved as kids grow up into great adults who you still love as adults. 
So next time you see the new person at work, school or Target, say hi, stop and visit, and smile at a stranger. 

clouds from an airplane Delta Flight July 2018 MSP SAN

The Blue Angels Come to visit/ or what was your favorite thing?

When you plan events or do things with your children, you can never know what will stick in their minds.  Kids appreciate the small things, sometimes even more than the large things.
A few Examples from my own life.
1986 Seattle Washington, our family is at the zoo.  big zoo.  lots of animals we've never seen before.  I was 16, Ross was 13, Lisa was 18.  At one point, all 3 of us are staring at the ground at a slug.  Said slug was not a zoo exhibit, just the biggest slug any of us had ever seen.  We were fascinated.
2007 Miami Took the kids on a trip to the Miami Zoo.  Joshua was 9.  After a day of seeing alligators and Komodo Dragons, Hippos and feeding Giraffes, I asked Joshua what animal was his favorite.  He said the fake ones.  Miami Zoo has cement animals that the kids can climb on. 
Almost as soon as my kids were old enough to put together thoughts, I started asking them what was their favorite thing they did today, or if we went to an event as we were leaving I would ask what their favorite thing about that event was.  By time they were in early elementary school, they were telling me what their favorite things were without being prompted. Many times in the car after going to a park or event, one of the kids would out of the blue say "My favorite thing about ___ was ___.  I would like to think that I helped train them to think about their day and to appreciate something good about that day.  My only regret is that I didn't write down and journal the daily thoughts the kids expressed.  But then again, not everything in life needs to be documented, some things just need to be enjoyed in the moment.
One of my earliest childhood memories included the Blue Angels. (which are flying over Fargo all day for the next few days!!!! I've missed the sound of fighters) I think at one point I figured out that I must have been 2 when this happened, could have been a few years older, the memory is pretty vague.  What I remember is sitting on my dads shoulders in a crowd.  He told me the Blue Angels were coming.  So the Angles came, they flew around, then they went away.  That's my memory.  But, I knew all about Angels.  God sends the Angels to earth to talk to people, bring 'good tidings of great joy' and things like that.  I fully believed that the Blue Angels were God's Angels.  I didn't in my young mind understand they were US Navy F4's.  Even after I found out they were not real Angels,  that was one of 'my favorite things' about that day.
I would challenge you to have those conversations with your kids.  Ask them what their favorite thing was.  You will be surprised.  I was all the time.  Some days we would have planned a big event or trip and the kids' favorite thing was the ice cream they got, or seeing a pretty rock, or playing on a fake animal.
PS: It's not a bad conversation with your spouse either. 

My Cushion vs a Farm

Anyone in the Red River Valley and beyond will understand when I say we had 'a bit of a wind' last night.  I woke up when my phone rang, emergency services warning me of the coming storm, I fell back asleep, woke up again to a sudden massive wind and rain storm.  In my tired mind, I remembered I never retied my sling chair cushion to the chair, and figured when I woke up, I might not have a cushion anymore.  I was feeling bummed and eventually fell back asleep.  We woke up a few hours later to a phone call from Laura telling us they lost their barn in the 80 mile hour wind storm that swept thru the valley.  Chicken coop was tipped over, minor damage to the house, and lots of other wind damage.  All of a sudden my cushion was no longer of any importance.  As daylight came, the damage was looked at and assessed, while there is loss of property, there was no loss of life, Laura and Ryan are safe, Angus (dog) and whatever they named their cat are safe.  Cows, horses, chickens and ducks are safe.  Rumpled a bit, but safe.  It's hard to watch your kids go thru stuff like this, we want to fix it for them.  Please add them to your prayers, there's lots of things they need to do, work with Insurance, Rebuild, Clean Up, they will go on, North Dakota Farm life will survive more than a wind storm.  And when I looked, my cushion is laying on the ground next to my sling chair.

Chahinkapa Zoo 2 june 2018 Wahpeton ND